How do you set up multiple income streams? How does the tax department view it and what do you need to do with your ABN for it?
This week I was asked by a reader:
“Hi Kylie! I was wondering if you have ever done a blog post on ‘multiple income streams’ and how that works when just starting up with an abn and business name as a newbie sole trader, how to set up and manage multiple income streams, or similar? I feel clueless on where to begin, or how it works with the ATO. I want to start achieving my goals for my little family (single mum), but scared to take that first step or put a foot wrong.”
I have always had multiple streams of income and think it is important that everyone has more than one stream of income to protect against things that can go wrong and ensure financial security for your family. It’s a bit of paperwork sorting out your ABN, business structure and everything else you will need, it is worth it to get it right.
Firstly, you can have multiple streams of income and businesses coming under the one ABN. In fact, if you already have an ABN or existing application when applying, the ATO looks for this and it can delay the whole process if you apply for multiples. Also, multiple ABN’s is like a red flag to the ATO in terms of checking your tax declarations. All round, one ABN is easiest and recommended.
When setting up multiple streams of income, there are quite a few things you need to do.
1.) Decide on your businesses or multiple income streams
Do you want to have a full on business or are you looking at a few part time side hustles/making money from your bobby? The difference with this is for a business you should have a full business and marketing plan, whereas if it is multiple side hustles such as selling on Ebay, setting up an Etsy shop or similar, you might not need to do a full business plan. Decide how you want to make money, what the business names will be, check to see if they are taken and if the domain names are taken, then move forward. When doing this, also think about your exit strategy that is, do you plan to sell at some point? Are you going to appoint a new manager/CEO when you are ready to retire or how will it work? Having the end in mind helps when you are setting up as well as determines some things in how you run the businesses.
A business plan at this stage or any stage throughout the process will help guide you, make you think about what you need to do and provide a map as you move forward. The Australian government has some templates here.
2.) Decide on the business structure
Most small businesses go with the sole trader option as it is just them and when you re starting out you are unsure of how much you will make, if it will be successful and what you should do. There are other options though including a partnership or company. Each business structure has it’s pros and cons. It is up to you to decide which option is best for your needs. I discussed my needs with a business lawyer and accountant before setting up which costs a bit of money. Sole trader is the simplest business structure and how I structured my business (blogging/author/speaker fees) from 2010 until I established my company in 2014. A company has more requirements, expenses and paperwork than a sole trader. There are other protections a company offers though and if you are going big, a company might make the most sense.
3.) Get an ABN
As mentioned, you can have multiple businesses running under the same ABN. You cannot register a business name without an ABN though. Getting an ABN can be done online and it is free. Despite how daunting it can be to deal with the tax department at times, the ABN process is a simple step by step process. Check the list of what you need before you get started and it should be relatively painless. Head here to get your ABN.
4.) Register a business name and other licences
You will need to register your business name for it to be yours. Some businesses have one name, then trade under other names. In order to get a .com.au domain you will need to have proof of ownership for the business if anyone disputes it. Register the business name and secure your domain. You can register your business name here.
Along with the business name, check to see what other licences you need to register for with the business or stream of income you are looking at pursuing.
Check to see if you need to trademark you business name, your idea, your products whatever it is that you are doing or if you want to patent your creation or anything else like that. You can find information on trademarks here.
6.) Secure the domain name or names
If you can do this as soon as you have decided on the business name. People have been caught out not being able to get their domain name when they have set up their business. Buy the domain and the variations such as .com, .com.au, .net, .org, .org.au or at the very least just do .com and .com.au. You can redirect the others to the main website you choose to use. If you do not purchase all the variations there is nothing stopping someone else buying them and causing issues for you down the track.
Personally, I have quite a few domain names and have secured my kids names in various forms should they decide when they are older to have an online presence. I’ve often used CrazyDomains to get the .com.au domains or gone directly with my host which is SiteGround.
7.) Set up your site
Most income streams will require a website and social media presence. Get the handles for the social media platforms you want to be on and get working on your site. For me, I started with BlueHost, however am now with Siteground. They both have one click installs for WordPress which means you buy the hosting package, connect your domain name then click to install WordPress. It was all super easy, their customer service is fast and problems fixed quickly. I have used a variety of hosts over the years when buying and selling sites, including trying Crazy Domains as a host, but my preference has been SiteGround out of all the ones I have tried for easy of use plus affordability.
With WordPress installed you can select the theme that best suits your needs, install plug ins to protect it, increase SEO, get email sign ups, maximise speed etc. I love WordPress as an easy to use platform. Alternatively, you can pay someone else to set all this up for you.
8.) Business Insurance
Business insurance is essential from the very beginning. You cannot afford to be doing anything and risk getting sued, injured or anything else like that. I spoke to a broker to work out what I needed, what I would be covered for, potential risks etc.
Decide how you will manage the books, track what income came from where, allocate superannuation for yourself and other financial matters. Most businesses I know love Xero, others simply use a spreadsheet or outsource to a book keeper. It’s up to you how you do it, just ensure you have a system for your accounting or it can get very messy.
10.) Marketing for your business
Create a proper marketing strategy. Determine who your ideal client is and what would appeal to them. Along with a broad audience e.g. 25 to 45 year old Australian mums, create a specific sub audience that you can use for targeting ads on Facebook and similar.
For example, on another site I own, the audience was 25 – 45 year old Australian mums looking to make and save money. I tried a few different variations of a broader audience, ran some Facebook ads etc. Then, when I went deeper and decided on one exact person I was targeting to, traffic, conversions and page likes skyrocketed with my ads consistently being placed in the top 99% of similar ads on Facebook. Go deeper with your specific person. Decide on their age, location, occupation, gender, relationships status, income, if they rent or own, how they travel to and from work, podcasts they listen to, sports they play, interests they have, how they might spend their weekends etc.
e.g. Mum aged 38 with 2 kids at home age 7 and 10. Married living in Sydney northern beaches. Family income is over $250,000. Mum works part time in as an insurance broker. She drives an Audi 4, runs on the beach each day, plays netball once a week and does three pilates classes. She wears Lorna Jane and Lululemon to work out in and likes her children to be well dressed and the same. Her children play netball and soccer on weekends along with tennis during the week. On weekends the family participates in sports on a Saturday, with family BBQ’s and dinners with friends in the evening. They eat according to a paleo diet.
Get inside the head of the person you want to market your business to then create your content around them.
11.) Grants and funding for you business
Check to see if you are eligible for any grants, business funding, education or extra help such as the NEIS program to assist you financially when starting out. Banks often run grant rounds, as do various government departments and larger corporations.
12.) Go for it
With your business or income streams decided and set up, it’s now up to you to smash them out of the ballpark. Believe in yourself, work hard, put systems in place and go hard after your goals. Your business won’t grow on its own.
What business tips do you have?
For more resources and advice, check out my resources page.
Have you ever considered renting your room to a boarder, but didn’t know where to start?
When I was 18 I was a boarder in Sydney, since then I have had boarders and rented my house on AirBnB as well as being a landlord. Renting a room to a boarder can be a great way to make money on the side if it is done well and you get along, it can even pay your mortgage! (Check out this post on The Thrifty Issue outlining how to make your home pay for itself!) Before accepting the first application that comes along, check out these tips for renting a room to a boarder.
1.) Research prices of rooms for boarders
Get online and check how much boarders are paying in your area and what is included in the price. Is it the room only then bills such as water, electricity and gas are split evenly or is it all inclusive? Decide on a price that works in the property market you live in and that will make you money.
2.) Check tax
Before listing your room, research tax implications, for example will the price you have selected push you into a new tax bracket? How will that affect your income, tax return and other bonuses? Cash in the hand is great, but I prefer to do things legally and you should be declaring all income. As such, check the tax implications of renting a room to a boarder for your personal situation.
3.) Check your rights and responsibilities
Most boarders are pretty good, but you need to make sure you know your rights and responsibilities in case things go bad. Depending on where you live in the world there are laws protecting squatters, if you don’t have a solid tenancy agreement you might find it difficult to remove the boarder without proof and the law on your side. Your local fair trading office or council should be able to give you the information you need about your rights, responsibilities and the law.
Check with your insurance company if you need extra insurance with someone else living there or if your current policy is ok. Some insurers require separate insurance such as landlord insurance if you are renting a room to a boarder.
5.) Will you supply furniture for you boarder?
Will the you furnish the room? If you do you can charge more, however it means you are responsible for replacing furniture as needed. In my experience furniture or no furniture mades no real difference to being able to rent the room out.
Where will the boarder park their car? Do you have off street parking or will they need to park on the road. If they do park on the road, is there room for them or will it cause issues with neighbours?
How much privacy do you need? Do you have house rules in place already? Are there separate living areas and space that is yours alone? Consider all of this before renting your room to a boarder.
8.) Create your ad
Once you know what rate you will charge for renting out your room and what that rate will include, create an ad listing out all the benefits, costs associated and rate for the room. Take clear, accurate, well lit photos of the room and home so people can see what they are renting before applying. This reduces the chances of either of you wasting your time. Place the ad on sites such as GumTree or join Facebook share rooms/rooms for rent groups and promote it on there.
9.) Interview boarding applicants
Do not accept the first person who enquires. Have a conversation with them, meet them in person, check references, check their online and social media profiles and get a feel for them. When interviewing them as them about previous places they have lived, living and eating habits, social life, occupation/income, goals etc. Also discuss your expectations around things like privacy, rent payments, noise levels, guests sleeping over etc. Get to know them to ensure they are a suitable candidate and will be able to pay the rent.
10.) Trust your instincts
If they present perfectly on paper, however you have a terrible feeling in your gut, trust your gut.
11.) Write up a contract or use a proper lease form
Include everything in it such as:
• Bond and deposit paid (e.g. 2 weeks rent)
• Date it was paid and term of contract (e.g. 3months to see if you get on, with the option to continue if both parties agree)
• When rent is due – weekly/fortnightly and what day and will it be paid in cash, into your account or will you use property management software?
• Which areas of the house are they allowed to use/are they renting?
• Services you provide – do you provide any meals/cleaning/lifts?
• Share of bills – will it just be half each?
• Share of household chores – alternate cleaning or only clean up after yourselves or pay for a cleaner to come in and do communal areas.
• Room inspections – frequency and expectations
• Notice period – how much notice they must give you and you them if either one of you decides to terminate the contract.
• Specific house rules – noise control, house duties, overnight guests, if they can store things such as extra furniture at your house or not. Include everything. If it is in writing and signed by both parties, it cancels out a lot of disputes.
12.) Lodge the bond properly
Bonds are to be lodged correctly, not just be held in your bank account. If you don’t lodge it there can be issues and legal ramifications.
13.) Document everything
Before they move everything in, take pictures and note everything already wrong with the room. Better yet, go through it with a video camera and the boarder present then create a copy of it for each of you or load it to dropbox for future use. This will help settle disputes if any arise when they leave (or they cause any damage.)
14.) Leave them be
Remember the room is theirs. It’s their choice if they keep it messy or not. Also remember not everyone gets along and you may find this boarder and you are not compatible. Don’t let that stop you from trying again.
Good luck with it. I know this list might seem over the top, but it’s better to be safe and prepared than sorry. Renting a room to a long term boarder is different to a quick couple of nights from an AirBnB guest, both can make you good money though.
What tips would you add for renting your room to a boarder?
How do you get enough money to leave an abusive relationship? What financial help is there and how do you access it?
I have personally experienced domestic violence. This article contains some of my personal experience along with that of others who have shared with me. It may cause triggers, although I have tried to keep it relatively neutral.
Leaving an abusive relationship is extremely difficult for numerous reasons including personal safety, emotional turmoil and financial issues. In many abusive relationships the abusive partner has control of the finances and leaves the abused with no money, no options or worse still, with all bills and debt in their name and no way to get rid of it all.
Disclaimer: I want to make it clear that these are options, not personalised advice for your own situation. These are things you can do, resources that might help and ways to financially help get out of or recover from an abusive relationship. What you do is your choice and personally, I think if you can, always seek professional help through counsellors, lawyers and financial advisors. Not realistic in most domestic violence cases, I know. I have in this article some advice for that as well.
Financial preparations for leaving an abusive relationship
Preparing to leave an abusive relationship is scary and risky. Along with getting all your important papers together such as birth certificates, bills, bank statements, passports etc. You need to arrange your finances. One time when I was preparing to leave I opened a private bank account. I explained my situation to the bank and all statements were to be kept at the bank, not sent to me. They were never to call me and it was supposed to be completely confidential. Unfortunately, they rang me and my ex happened to be home. He was furious. I was forced to go down and close the bank account. Because of my experience I hesitate to suggest it.
Admittedly, this was quite a few years ago and now you can have online only accounts, bank through the Post Office, set up a separate email address etc and hide it all easier. However, your abuser may have installed spyware to track your movements, so I would be careful doing this.
Instead, look at how you can accrue cash!
1.) Get cash out with the groceries
If you pay by eftpos, ask for an extra $20 out each time you do the groceries then store this cash in a secret place. The cash out often doesn’t show on the bank statement, only the total amount and where the purchase was made shows. Check your own bank though as some like The Commonwealth Bank list the cashout amount separately to the amount paid for groceries. This was suggested by a reader and I love it. I always squirreled away cash where possible, but had never thought of doing it this way.
Hide it somewhere it cannot be found such as a false-bottomed drawer, hollow out a section under your lounge or bed, or if you trust someone, hide the cash at their house along with your important paperwork.
2.) Do cash jobs
I was a hairdresser by trade when I was leaving, enabling me to do haircuts on the side for cash without him knowing how much I was earning. I did declare my income on my taxes and obeyed all regulations etc. Look at ways you might be able to earn cash such as through cleaning, gardening, ironing, baked goods etc. Check out 101 ways to make money from home and 31 ways to save $200 or more and make money!
3.) Sell items on consignment
Do you have anything you can sell on consignment in stores? You might be able to make beaded jewellery or other items to stock in stores on consignment and have an arrangement where you collect your payments in cash.
Cash is king when leaving an abusive relationship. If you can save it, hide it and take it with you, they won’t know how much you have and cash gives you more options.
Knowledge is power when it comes to domestic abuse
Learn all you can, in as safe a way as possible. For example, sites such as Women Talk Money have articles and resources to help you with finances in various stages of your life, including abuse. They also have a quick escape option, as in if you hit escape when on the site it will immediate load Google so if anyone comes in they will not see what you are looking at. This is an excellent safety feature.
1.) Know what help is available
Women health centres are available in many cities which have community lawyers, counsellors, classes, meditation, naturopaths and other services for free or minimal cost. The assistance of a community legal can prove to be extremely valuable when you are trying to leave. It is not the same as having a lawyer on call for everything, they can help you plan things out and give advice though to assist in leaving or after you have left.
Free legal advice, free counselling, 10 free psychological visits on a mental health plan, parenting payment (if you are a parent), along with rent assistance and advance payments to assist with leaving an abusive relationship, social workers, no interest loans, free food, bills paid and other financial assistance are all available to victims of domestic violence or anyone facing financial hardship.
Health centres, community legal centres, churches, charities and not for profits all provide different services. Most of the time it is simply a matter of asking, outlining your situation and accepting the help offered.
2.) Find out the documents you will need to access assistance
If you haven’t left yet, find out what documentation will make it easier. For example, are you going to be eligible for payments from Centrelink and if so, what will you need to prove what has happened, how much you earn etc.
3.) Get advice asap
Talk to a lawyer, know your rights and what assistance is available to you. Keep documentation of everything, report abuse to the police, if there are witnesses get them to provide statements. Do everything you can to protect yourself and your children if you have them.
Claims for financial assistance for domestic violence victims
Most states have a service that is a financial payment for victims of violent crimes, which domestic violence falls under. The assistance varies from state to state but can include a payment to you based on the crime, financial assistance for counselling, financial assistance for moving or costs involved with your safety and other costs that can be directly attributed to the crime. Each type of assistance has a value attached to it and you do not have to claim immediately. There is assistance to help you fill out the necessary paperwork, be prepared though as it can be traumatic going through the process.
Use the links below for each state/territory to find out more:
In Australia, Centrelink is the obvious safety net to help financially. Last year they had 22 million unanswered calls. Be prepared. I do not know anyone who has dealt with them and it went well. It is best if you arm yourself with as much knowledge as possible before talking to them. Most things can be lodged or done online and this will speed up the process a little.
To give you an idea, some of the payments you may be entitled to, depending on your circumstances include:
– Parenting payment
– Rent assistance
– Carers payment (if you have children who are traumatised and need extra assistance)
– Family Tax Benefit A and B
– Childcare rebate
It depends on your circumstances, income, assests, if you have children or not etc. Once you get it, make sure you use the discounts available for concession card holders. You can check the complete list here.
There is also child support. I strongly recommend you go through the child support agency for this and never rely on it coming it. I view it as a ‘bonus’. I went for a long time with no payments. He paid once before we went to court for his assault conviction. It certainly looked like he made that payment to look like he cared about his kids and to get a reduced sentence, which worked.
It wasn’t until he lodged his tax return and the Child Support Agency were involved so they took his tax, paid it to me then set up an arrangement with his employer for child support to be deducted from his wages.
If he quits his job, we are back to square one. They say child support will continue to accumulate as a debt, however, try as best you can not to rely on it as I know too many women who never received a cent as there are too many ways to get around the system. At least if you go through the child support agency it is all on record and documented, not just him vs you.
Be gentle on yourself
This situation is not your fault. You have done the best you could and if you are reading this you either have taken steps to leave or are about to and for that I applaud you. You are stronger than you can possibly imagine. Leaving was the hardest thing I have done. I went through hell and wouldn’t wish it on anyone. My life now is better than anything I ever could have imagined. Be gentle on yourself. Don’t blame yourself. Allow yourself to cry and feel your emotions. Allow yourself to get whatever help you need and don’t rush yourself. This is a slow process. Take it one day at a time.
Also, you aren’t alone. Many have gone through it or are going through it. You can read about some experiences of others, their regrets and tips for finances and divorce in this post, including some quotes from me. Then, when you feel ready, check out how to rebuild after an abusive relationship too.
You might also like
How to ask for help
20 ways to build confidence
What to do if you are or are at risk of becoming homeless
Financial Assistance for domestic violence victims and survivors
Assistance for low income families
Joining up with All Mum Said.
What if I make the wrong decision?
Decisions can be difficult. Our fear of making a wrong decision can be paralysing but have you asked yourself what are you scared of and why? You won’t always make the best decision, but a decision and a plan of action is better than standing still. While ‘wrong’ decisions can feel awful when they happen, we learn and grow from them. They are part of our lessons in life.
To make decision-making easier and faster, there are some steps you can take.
1.) What are the pros and cons?
Write down the advantages and disadvantages to the different aspects of the decision you want to make. Be realistic though. Often with a pros and cons list we are “nicer” to the decision we want and “harder” on the decision we don’t want. If you know you are likely to do your list this way, find someone objective and impartial to discuss your decision and list with.
2.) Work out the cost
Money isn’t the only cost to consider when making a decision. How much will each option cost you in time, sacrificing other things you want to do such as quality time with family and how much will it cost financially.
My friend Miranda wrote a great article on opportunity cost here, using the example of how a $200 pair of sneakers actually costs $75,000.
3.) Set a time limit for when the decision needs to be made
The longer you leave a decision, the more likely you are to avoid making a decision. Set a time limit in which to decide, make a choice and stick to it.
4.) Research, but within reason
It is easy to do a little research on whatever it is you are trying to decide. Search online, check out forums and be very specific about what it is you need to make a decision on to ensure you get accurate information. Don’t make the mistake of spending too much time researching though.
5.) Go with your initial gut feelings
Your initial instinct about something is usually right. For example, a few years ago we bought a car I did not want. I didn’t want to take it for a test drive and I was walking away from it to have nothing to do with it again. Someone else was adamant it would be great, the test drive was ok but it ended up being a dud and cost us a small fortune. Had I listened to my gut instinct and walked away I would not have wasted so much time and money on that car.
6.) Discuss it with someone you trust
Discussing decisions you need to make with someone you trust and respect can be helpful. Be extremely careful though as they need to be someone who will not judge, will listen, be objective and impartial. Those people are usually hard to find as most of our friends want to make us happy and not all decisions make us happy.
7.) Flip a coin
Shake a magic 8 ball or do any other game of chance thing to help make the decision. The reason behind this method is you make one choice heads, the other tails. When you flip the coin in the air, in a flash you generally hope for either heads or tails. The one you hope for is probably the decision you should go with.
Ultimately the decision is yours. You need to trust yourself and realise that even if the decision you end up making is not perfect, you will still learn something from it. Plus you will never know if you don’t take the chance, make the decision and go for it.
Remember, once you make the decision, do it with your whole body/mind. Not just half heartedly. You made the decision and it will only work best if you put your whole self to it!
How do you make decisions?
A compliment I have been getting a lot lately from everywhere, even complete strangers is that I have a very positive energy. I am clearly extremely happy both within myself and with my life in general. Previously I battled with depression and borderline personality disorder throughout large portions of my life the with treatment was cleared of this in 2013. It has not been an easy road to get to the point I am, but I am grateful for every experience along the way as they have shaped me to be who I am today.
Here are 12 things I have done to cultivate happiness in my life and help change my attitude.
1.) Cultivate and attitude of gratitude
I have a gratitude journal where I write at least one thing a day I am grateful for and it has helped change the way I look at things. Instead of focusing on all the negatives of a situation I look for what I could be grateful for, what lesson I could learn etc. Ask yourself what you can be grateful for today then with every negative situation ask what lesson you can learn from it, what opportunities could come and why it could be beneficial.
I tried this on and off for years but couldn’t seem to ‘get it’. Once I tried guided meditation I found it worked for me much better than simply trying to clear my mind. There are so many different ways to meditate, just try different ways until you find what works for you. Mine changes depending on my mood, but I can feel it when I have not been meditating as I am more irritable, decision making is harder and I feel run down.
Get rid of anything you are not using, you don’t need or don’t love. Having a lot of stuff around, clutter on every surface is depressing. It drains you of energy and without realising it your mind is sometimes thinking about the mess you need to clean up or sort out, which distracts you from other tasks. Clear out your home, your car, your workspace and inbox to make room for things that really matter to you and to create an environment where you feel more relaxed and enjoy being.
4.) Get organized
When you’re living in chaos it’s hard to feel happy and have a balanced life. Get a schedule, automate bills and anything else you can, get a budget and stick to it. Don’t go so far as to plan every tiny aspect of your life because you still need spontaneity, but for those every day, mundane things, get a schedule happening. Get a planner or use an app on your phone to put in all appointments and things you need to do. Menu plan then shop accordingly. Streamline the aspects of your life you can so you have more time for fun.
5.) Love and be loved
I have often felt unworthy of love. I have a huge capacity to love others, but often hated myself. I had to change my thinking, realise I am worth it and that I deserve to be loved. Doing this has increased how much love I surround myself with and how much more I can love others, how their opinions no longer affect my mood as severely and my own confidence and belief in myself has soared.
6.) Help others
Volunteering for a cause I am passionate about has made a huge difference to me. I can be having the worst day, but then go in and see all the wonderful people I spend time with and I feel so good again. Thinking about other people, serving other people and treating everyone as equal takes the focus away from things that you might think are wrong in your life and instead makes way for the warm, fuzzy feelings.
7.) Take care of yourself
Make time for yourself, dress nicely and take care of yourself. If you need a break, take one. If you need to do some beauty treatments, do it. If you need a massage, get one. Making your needs a priority and taking care of yourself makes a huge difference to how you feel. Putting yourself last all the time is not a way to project your self worth to the world. It’s a great way to get run down and discouraged though. So instead of putting everyone before yourself, take some time to focus on your needs and look after yourself.
8.) Know who you are
I was pretty lost for years. I went through the motions instead of knowing my core values, who I am and what I am passionate about. I did what others expected of me or wanted me to do. I played the role that I had sort of fallen into and I hated it. It wasn’t me. I wasn’t being true to myself. I decided to take time to focus on who I am, who I want to be, the sort of mother I want to be and how to change myself and my life so I can live true to myself. It was quite a journey and has been well worth the effort and time it took.
9.) Realise your attitude is your choice
I fail at this at times, but that is ok. No one is perfect. How you feel, how you react to situations and what you do is your choice. I am not saying you can’t get angry or sad or upset. But realise it is a choice, no one is making you feel that way. Things will happen that upset us. Express that, let yourself feel the emotions, but don’t dwell on it. You can choose to be overwhelmed by all the negativity or you can choose to learn and grow, take the lesson and be happy.
10.) Release people from your life
If they are not helping you, if they make you feel bad about yourself or trigger negative feelings, if they drain your energy and are not contributing to the sort of life you want, but instead are essentially toxic, get rid of them. Release them from your life. You don’t have to keep anyone in your life you don’t want to be in it. You can change jobs, you can stop hanging out, you can delete people from social media and just because someone is related to you, doesn’t mean they have to be in your life. If you can’t cut someone out of your life completely, work on cutting back the amount of time you spend with that person and how much you think about them.
I used a variety of therapies to help me such as psychology to treat Borderline Personality Disorder, reiki, massage, acupuncture, naturopathy and a range of other therapies and treatments to help heal my mind, body and soul.
12.) Live in the moment
Stop worrying about your past or future and start living in the present. If you get organised like I said above, set times to check your finances and things that will matter in the future, you don’t need to worry about it. Let go of the past. All you can do is learn from it, not live in it. You can’t change it, so stop using your energy wishing things were different. Live in the now. Appreciate the life you have now and do what makes you happy.
What makes you happy? How have you changed your attitude?
Originally posted in October, 2013. Revised and republished June 2016
Have you ever noticed how successful people seem really confident? Do you struggle with confidence in yourself or your ideas?
I come across as confident and there are many things I am confident about in my life. I wasn’t always this way though. I do not know anyone who is confident all the time, however, the successful people I know don’t let failure or fear stop them. They embrace it and use that nervous energy to push them forward. Instead of dwelling on what could go wrong, they focus on what could go right. If they are nervous before going on stage they use that nervous energy and jump around or dance before going on stage. It gets them pumped instead of scared.
Building confidence can be a slow process. I had none when I was married, then after I started blogging and I was offered opportunities like a book contract, speaking and freelance writing my confidence grew. I also overcame Borderline Personality Disorder during this time and want to make it clear, that while the tips I am about to give help me, if you have severe anxiety or other underlying issues, I highly recommend professional help.
To gain more confidence, try some of the following methods.
1.) Know your purpose
Know why you are doing something. Having a strong sense of purpose gives you the confidence to keep going when things get hard. If there is no purpose behind what you do, there is no strong motivation to keep going.
2.) Write a list of things you like about yourself
Sit down with a pen and paper and list out things you like about yourself. The first time I did it I aimed for 100 things I like about myself. It was extremely difficult as I had severe depression at the time. I started with 10, then did the next 10 and the next until I reach 100. I started with simple things like “I have great eyebrows because they are shaped nicely naturally and I don’t have to wax them”, followed by “I have long eyelashes that curl up” and “I am good at helping other people”.
I thought about things others said about me. I asked close, trusted family members and friends what they thought my strengths were, what they liked about me and I listened to compliments people gave me. I was careful with where I sourced the compliments and only listed ones from people I trusted who I knew were honest and genuine.
Once I had my list I made a few copies to place in various locations as a reminder of my qualities and valued when I felt low. I put one in my wallet, one on my bedroom wall, one on my computer and took a picture to keep on my phone. At times I struggled to believe they were all true. As I read them and thought about examples of each thing such as a time I helped someone or the discussion with a family member about the qualities they admired in me, this list became more believable and eventually I stopped needing it.
3.) Have a daily positive affirmation
I mention affirmations a few things throughout this book because they are powerful. Affirmations are not simply about repeating a quote or line to make you feel good. Affirmations are meant to change your mindset and create a genuine belief within yourself based on the affirmation.
One of my favourite quotes that I use as an affirmation is “I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.” ~Carl Jung.
I repeat this to myself whenever I need a pep talk.
4.) Write a list of your achievements
Similar to the list of things you like about yourself a list of achievements can help you see how amazing you are, the impact you have had on the world and why you should be confident in yourself and your abilities. Achievements are not limited to awards. Recently when I was looking for ideas for my bucket list I was reading through other people’s lists and was surprised by how much on other people’s lists I have done. I didn’t think I had done much, but when I wrote down some of these things I was amazed and quite proud of my achievements.
5.) When someone gives you a compliment just say thank you
Don’t talk it down. If someone says they like your top/shoes don’t say “this old thing, oh, it’s nothing” just say “Thank you, I love it too.” You can compliment them back, but stop putting yourself, your things or your work down.
6.) Change your mental dialogue
We are our own worst critics. Whenever you start to think negatively about yourself, whip out your list of things you like about yourself or the list of compliments and read it. If you are not in a position to do that just change what you are thinking. It can be hard at first, but try to remember your achievements. Think of your daily positive affirmation and repeat it in your head.
7.) Make self-care a priority
I see many women guilty of putting themselves last. I spent years putting myself last, not going to the beauty salon despite it making me feel so much better. I felt bad if I spent money on clothes or things I wanted. I allowed myself to get frumpy, overweight and lacking confidence. Part of this was because of the abusive marriage I was in. I was too scared to stand up for myself. When we got married he stopped me wearing pink or pretty lingerie because he didn’t want other men looking at me. He felt I looked too good in pink. I was not allowed to talk to other men and because of the way we ate, I gradually put on more and more weight. He made me feel like no one else would want me. I was depressed, unhealthy, unsure of myself and undesirable. Because of this, I stopped dressing in clothes I liked, often didn’t do my hair or make-up, neglected my health and put myself last.
When I divorced, one of the first things I did was overhaul my look. I am fortunate that my sister, Jac Lambert, is a personal stylist, designer, make up artist and has a keen eye for all of that naturally. She helped me find my style which boosted my confidence. I started booking in monthly to go to the salon and scheduled time with myself for other beauty maintenance such as regular facials, body scrubs and things at home. I started putting myself first and my confidence grew as a result.
Stop telling yourself you aren’t worth it. You are. Do whatever you need to do to make yourself feel happy with your health, mind and body. Take care of you.
8.) Watch your body language
Our body language is a clear indication of our level of confidence. Sitting or standing with our legs crossed, our shoulders hunched or arms in our lap are all submissive poses. You are trying to make yourself smaller than the other person.
If you want to be confident, act confident. Use strong, confidence body language such as a super hero pose – hands on hips, shoulders back, legs apart. Stand tall, with good posture. Claim and own the space you are in.
Not only does it increase your confidence, it is better for your overall health. .
9.) Take care of yourself
Many people are guilty of neglecting themselves, especially parents. We get so caught up in everything else we forget about ourselves. Often when we are young we spend a lot of time doing our hair/make-up/dressing nice/wearing perfume/cologne etc… Then life happens and we get too busy, or just do the basics. Take a step back and start taking care of yourself again. The confidence a good hair style and a well put together outfit will give you is a fantastic feeling.
Music is powerful, it can change your mood completely. Look how music is used in movies and the media to coney emotion, make you sympathetic to the victim, get your blood pumping in dramatic action scenes or scare your in a horror film. Music impacts your mind.
Start taking note of how music makes you feel and create a confidence playlist to use when you need a boost. I have playlists for motivation, working out, cleaning and certain songs I play before I go on a stage to speak. Music can help you overcome fears and project a sense of confidence.
11.) Act positive
Being happy, smiling and giving compliments will make you feel better about yourself and it makes thinking positively a whole lot easier. There used to be days I would dread doing certain things. By making a decision to act positive, try to think about everything in a positive way, over the course of the day i felt happier and more confident about what I was doing.
12.) Be prepared
Know what it is you are doing or talking about. We all have to start somewhere when learning, so accept which stage you are at, learn as much as you possibly can and be prepared. When you know what you are talking about or have to do you are a lot more confident than if you don’t know.
With public speaking, I could confidently get up on stage and discuss homelessness, domestic violence, going from homeless to CEO, motivation, my personal story, social media, blogging, blog monetisation and goal setting because these are topics I know a lot about, I speak on often and I cam confident in them. I prepare beforehand, I have key points, I refresh my memory with current statistics as needed and know that when I get up I have prepared myself as much as I can. If I was to simply get up on stage without preparation I would fail miserably, have no confidence and everyone would see right through. Preparation is key.
13.) Be true to yourself
What are your standards/principles/values? What do you live by? Without principles we have no guidelines or direction for our life. No direction is no reason for confidence since you aren’t working towards anything. When you have direction and aim you are more confident because you know what you are doing.
14.) Do something you love or are good at such as cooking, swimming, gardening, piano, painting
Whatever it is, do it regularly. Doing something you love and doing it regularly gives you positive feelings about yourself and what you are doing. These positive feelings can then overflow into other areas of your life. The happier you are and the more you achieve, the more confidence you will have.
When you are busy, overwhelmed and distracted it is easier to lose confidence than it is when you are calm, in control and feel secure within yourself. Take time out each day to meditate in whatever form you are most comfortable with. Getting centred regularly enables you to clear you mind, focus and feel more confident.
16.) Set some goals and achieve them
To begin with it might be something simple like pay your bills, or a to do list such as groceries, banking, return library books etc… Set it and complete it. Having goals gives you something to strive for. Starting small gives you mini confidence boosts when you achieve them. Having big goals to work towards gives you direction. Don’t make goals so big you will not be able to achieve them though. If you break them up into sub goals, every time you achieve one of those sub goals you are a success. Check out 10 steps to success with goals for more information.
17.) Recognise what makes you feel insecure
Take note of your feelings doing certain things. What makes your confidence waiver? Why are you insecure about it? What can you do to change it? I am insecure about dancing because of an incident that happened when I was a teenager. I have taken dance classes since and done well. The thought of dancing in a group or in public at all strikes fear into my heart. I dance with my daughters in private at home, that is pretty much it. This is something I am still working on.
18.) Keep good posture
Standing up straight and ensuring your back is straight makes you look confident plus as mentioned further up, it is confident body language. When you are projecting confidence you can’t help but be confident. Keeping good posture improves health as well.
19.) Get rid of toxic people in your life
What are toxic people? They are the ones who are always negative; leave you questioning yourself and what you are doing. They don’t encourage you, they just tear you down. They are often people who have been in our life for quite a while, so we don’t realise how bad they are for us. Also, they are NOT really friends. Back handed compliments are common with people like this. Everything is all about them and they leave you feeling drained. You do not need that in your life. They chip away at you and bring you down.
When you are focused you are studying, getting to know what you need to do and doing it. This leads to achievements and success which boosts your confidence boosting!
What do you to do improve your confidence?
You might also like:
An interview with me about confidence
10 ways to motivate yourself
Time saving tips
Weight is irrelevant! Stop weighing yourself and drop dress sizes
How to stop feeling overwhelmed and stop overloading yourself (lessons from my body shutting down.)
Originally posted on October 13, 2010. Revised and republished May 23rd, 2016.
How do you do it all? How do you manage multiple websites, speak publicly, be a CEO, attend events, spend time with your kids, travel and everything else you do?
Right now I run Occasio Enterprises, I speak publicly and attend numerous other events, have multiple websites, am an author, write for other sites/magazines etc, am a mum to two kids, travel internationally, am an advocate/ambassador for a few charities and spend quality time with my family. I have previously let all I do get out of control and ended up quite sick, paralysed and needing surgery as a result. Now I feel I have a good blend happening in my life with all I do.
1.) Get organised
You need a routine or some semblance of a routine at least. You need specific places for things so you are not hunting all over your house for paper work etc. This will save you a lot of time and the routine will ensure you are more productive as you know the set times you have to do things in, making you less likely to waste it.
I have a to do list with the three most important things I need to get done that day. I have another to do list which is longer and has other things on it, but each day I focus on the three most important tasks and anything else I get done after completing those tasks is a bonus.
I map out my day, my week, my months and have it all on a calendar plus use a diary to help me stay on track.
2.) Do not try to do everything at once
Choose a time for everything and stick to it. Instead of having multiple tabs open on your laptop, jumping from writing to Facebook to email and having a TV show going in the background I try to focus on one thing at a time to the point where I have installed a Chrome extension called SelfControl which enables me to block certain sites such as Facebook for a period of time.
3.) Know your values
I write about working out your values a little while ago. I am pretty clear on what is important to me, the life I want and my core values – integrity, family and health are my three big ones closely followed by freedom as in financial freedom, career freedom, travel and a lifestyle I love. Take the time to sit down and work out what your core values are and ask yourself if your life is in line with those values. If it’s not, what do you need to change?
4.) Say No!
No is a complete sentence. You don’t need to provide excuses or reasons, you can simply say ‘No”. Don’t take on things you don’t want to do. Don’t let others pressure your into things or make you feel guilty. How you spend your time is your choice. If you are clear on your values and purpose, it is easier to say no. We decided this year if something wasn’t a “Hell YES!” then it’s a “Hell NO!” Meaning, if we weren’t totally pumped about something, if it didn’t line up with our values, goals and plans for our life, then we weren’t going to do it.
5.) Work when you are freshest
I am not a morning person and I am ok with that. I struggle first thing in the morning and it’s a battle to get anything done. Once I accepted this and started working in the times that suited me better I got more done.
A typical day for me will often look like:
Get the kids ready for school and take them, come home and do emails, clean up a bit and basically not do anything that requires too much thinking. After lunch I get into work, pick my daughters up in the afternoon, spend time with them and in the evening work after they’ve gone to bed.
I have days where I attend events, am away for work or travelling etc, which is a few times a month lately. Each day is different, but I know I work best in the afternoon or evening. As such I plan my writing and similar tasks for those times and easier tasks for first thing in the morning.
You don’t need to do everything. Our time is limited, spend it doing things you enjoy and things that matter to you. In both your business and personal life outsource tasks where you can. If you spend all your time doing the little things, you won’t have time for the big things. For example, at home, I could outsource the cleaning, ironing and cooking to free up hours of my time. In my work I have a virtual assistant, someone else doing graphics and have a team of professionals who help and do different things in my business. You can’t grow if you try to do it all yourself.
It’s a balance and often not easy to do to begin with, it’s a good investment though. Start with paying for 1 hour of outsourcing anything that is cheaper to have someone else do than it is to do it yourself then spend that time doing something that earns more. As an example, I know many who earn $50+ per hour. Tasks such as ironing or cleaning at home and scheduling social media, answering emails etc in their business can be outsourced for under $25 per hour. By paying someone $25 instead of doing it themselves, they free up their time to earn more.
If you want to learn how to find more time, read this post about finding an extra 30 hours a month.
7.) Do double up tasks
Sometimes you can do two things at once. For example if you are cooking dinner you can cook a double batch and freeze half for later. This will drastically reduce the dinner preparation time another night meaning you have basically done two things at once. It is not the same as checking emails, social media and writing a blog post all at once. It is about choosing certain tasks such as cooking where for a small amount of extra effort you can save significant amounts of time later and reduce your overall workload without impacting on the quality of work you are doing.
8.) Be kind to yourself
There are only so many hours in a day and only so much you personally can do. If you can’t do something, don’t feel guilty. Do what you can, only take on what you know you can accomplish and congratulate yourself on the things you achieve. Beating yourself up over something you didn’t do is not going to change the fact it didn’t get done. It wastes more of your time, makes you feel awful, demotivates you and is counterproductive to everything. Acknowledge you didn’t do it, accept it, learn from it and move on.
9.) Recognise your accomplishments
Often we focus too much on what we haven’t done which will get you nowhere. Take time to recognise your achievements, not matter how small. Set your goals then when you achieve them celebrate. I am guilty of achieving what I set out to do then moving straight into the next thing without celebrating or really acknowledging what I have done.
Getting everything you want to do done requires planning. Schedule your time. Set your goals (check out 10 steps to success with goals). Work with your plan to get everything done. A failure to plan is a plan to fail.
What tips do you have to help you do everything?
First published 12 May 2016. Edited and republished May 2016.
Do you struggle with motivation? What can you do if you lack the desire to do anything or get things done?
We all have moments where we need help getting motivated, life throws curveballs and it can be a little difficult to overcome them at times. I’ve certainly had my share of demotivating experiences. Here are 10 ways I motivate myself when I need it.
The affirmation/quote that has gotten me through many hard times, especially my divorce and homelessness was “I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.” ~Carl Jung.
I have affirmations everywhere – on my mirrors, in my wallet, on my screensavers for various devices and I repeat them to myself, with conviction. I select affirmations or quotes that resonate with me or inspire me and change them every few weeks. The Carl Jung quote has stuck with me for years though.
I share some affirmations and quotes I like regularly on my Facebook page and twitter too.
2.) Physically see your dreams
I used to have in mind my dream home and that was something I was working towards with my business and income. When I felt unmotivated to work or save I would look it up online or attend open homes of the properties similar to what I was after.
I found this physical reminder helped me refocus and get motivated again. If you can, physically look at or touch whatever it is you are going after/dream of/working towards and imagine yourself there.
3.) Attitude of gratitude
Our thoughts and mindset our often underrated when it comes to finding motivation. When struggling with any difficult aspect in my life, one of the most useful actions I can implement is to write a gratitude list. It has taken time to get used to doing it and I tend to stay in a funk for longer if I don’t do it. Once you put it into practice you can do it mentally whenever something challenging happens that slows your motivation.
To do it, get out a piece of paper. Think about what is happening right now that has demotivated you, what is going on in your life then at the top of the paper write “Reasons I can be grateful for … (whatever issue you are facing…)
Then underneath that, list out the reasons you could be grateful for what is happening, lessons you can learn from it and what positives might or are coming from it.
To give you an example, in 2012, after leaving my abusive husband I came home to my new home which we had moved into that week to discover I had been robbed of everything including my underwear. I freaked out, then sat down and wrote a list like this:
“Why I can be grateful I got robbed”
– We weren’t home, so my daughters and I were not in danger and they do not know it happened
– I am insured and can now replace everything at no cost. Replacing bad memories from certain items I owned, I won’t have to wear clothes bought by him/for him (meaning my ex-husband).
– It was just stuff
You get the idea. I managed to list 10 reasons to be grateful/lessons to learn/positives that would come from it. This helped me get on with things, lodge the insurance forms and cope day to day. When I felt overwhelmed I pulled out this list and read it.
I lost a lot in that robbery – jewellery such as my mothers, my grandmothers and great grandmothers diamond rings, jewellery given to me at the birth of my children, specially made items etc. However, it’s just stuff. My kids and I were safe. Stuff is replaceable. I haven’t replaced my jewellery though.
Exercise helps me to clear my head, gets my blood pumping, gives me great ideas and enables me to cut through whatever it is that is going on in my head to get back on track. Try going for a run, doing a gym class, swimming at the pool, anything that gets the blood and endorphins pumping will make you feel good, energized and refocused.
5.) Life review
Do a complete review if you haven’t done it before. Review your goals, look at how far you have come not only how far you have to go. Despite my accomplishments there are many times I have felt I was failing or was not successful.
List some of your accomplishments, no matter how small, work out your values and see if how you are living is in line with them. If it’s not, it’s hard to get motivated!
6.) Motivation wall
My motivation wall includes my vision board, quotes and affirmations, my goals including graphs tracking my savings for certain goals and anything I find motivating. I found this more effective than the vision board on its own.
7.) Talk to someone
Counsellors, friends, being part of a mastermind group or even talking to online friends/acquaintances in private Facebook groups can be helpful to get you motivated and back into whatever you were doing. I have a few groups on Facebook I have found to be very supportive. Alternatively, create your own group or a mastermind group who help each other.
If you have someone who knows about your challenge, when you feel like giving up, they can help you see how much you’ve achieved or why you will achieve it and shouldn’t give up.
I read blogs relevant to whatever I am lacking motivation in. If it finances I will go to my favourite finance blogs, or I might Google finance blogs and see what comes up.
9.) Help someone else
Volunteering where possible or doing random acts of kindness is a great way to not only help the community but also feel good. You should help others out of the kindness of your heart not just to make yourself feel better. Helping others takes your mind off your own problems, gives you a different perspective and you often meet interesting people.
10.) Time out
Sometimes you are simply burnt out. You have been doing too much for too long and need to step back, take a break and look after yourself. I do this regularly and will go somewhere that has no internet connection sometimes or at the very least will switch off my devices and go do something I enjoy. Getting completely away from it all is confronting at first, you feel like things will fall apart without you there, but it’s liberating once you get into it. The world won’t end because you took some time-out.
What tips do you have to motivate yourself?
*Originally posted May, 2011. Revised and re-published 12 May, 2016
Recently I had the opportunity to have an all expenses paid trip to Indonesia for the total solar eclipse. I had wanted to see one since I was a kid plus we were going to a UNESCO Heritage listed site as well (I want to see them all.)
I literally had a few days to work out childcare, get clothing and everything necessary for this opportunity and had something like this come up last year, I could not have done it.
I don’t believe in luck. One of my favourite quotes is “Luck is where opportunities meet preparation!”
To create a life you love, you need to be prepared, know what you want and actively be doing things to enable you to be prepared when opportunities arrive.
With Indonesia, I was invited because I have actively networked with the right people, out myself out there, am a writer, speaker and have an audience. I have worked hard at it. Everyone I know who has been called lucky has worked for years before a great opportunity skyrocketed things for them.
How can you be prepared for opportunities?
1.) Know what you want!
Do you know what sort of life you want? Your goals, what sort of career, lifestyle, travel experiences, hobbies and family life you want? If you don’t know what you want you can’t prepare for it and be in a position to jump on opportunities.
Work out your values, spend time truly working out the life you want. I have a page with my favourite articles and resources to help you create a life you love here.
Work on it
You know what you want, what are you doing to make it happen? I have 10 steps to success with goals here which helps, but there are many other things you can do each day to help you get the life you want.
I use a planner, daily affirmations, vision boards and each day outline what I want to achieve that day. I have to do lists, but they are different now to how I used to do them. I have 3 things I must complete and if I do those 3 things the day was a success. Our to do lists can get out of hand. I have found by keeping it short and focussed, I achieve more. Separate to the 3 things I want to achieve I also have my list of everything I need/want to do and in my planners I have weekly, monthly and quarterly to do lists. I used to do annual or longer as well but found my life changes so much that sticking to quarters to achieve goals has worked better.
If you know where you want to be, taking a small step each day will make it happen much easier.
How did I make the most of Indonesia?
I love to travel and the opportunity to head to Indonesia, going places other than the typical Bali was amazing. For me to make the most of it I had to embrace things I would normally not.
Firstly, I did some research, then made a plan. I pitched articles to other publications, arranged some speaking and incorporated my trip into other aspects of my life and business when I got back. I wanted my trip to Indonesia to be beneficial for Indonesian Tourism.
I decided on the trip to immerse myself in the culture as much as possible. Indonesia had not been high on my list of places to visit, so at times I felt a little out of my comfort zone, the more I pushed myself, the better the experience was.
A few of the amazing experiences included:
Swimming over a coral reef only metres off shore while waiting for the total solar eclipse at Pantai Kilo Lima.
Photo by Travis Longmore Photography
Experiencing the total solar eclipse itself with the whole community cheering. The atmosphere was incredible. Definitely a once in a lifetime experience.
Travis Longmore Photography
Swimming at Salodik Waterfalls in South Sulawesi. Our guide told us these weren’t even good ones!
Travis Longmore Photography
Being a caucasian, I was asked for so many selfies! At some places I couldn’t even take one step without multiple requests. Even police, military and local government officials wanted their photo taken with us. (I was travelling with social media influencers and photographers).
Being able to write from anywhere at anytime, with breathtaking views was a spectacular experience.
Here is the view I had. We went to this cafe twice. Once on the way to our hotel, then again for breakfast another morning. We tried a drink our guides called ‘ginger tea’ which was a mixture of ginger, egg, sugar syrup and milk. We loved it. Fried bananas were served pretty much everywhere we went too.
We went from Luwuk to Toraja, both kind of remote areas. On the drive to Toraja we stopped at Bukit Kenari Hotel & Restaurant, Pare-Pare, Indonesia which has this stunning pool. We stayed for sunset and it was a moving experience.
There is so much to Indonesia, beyond Bali. It was such a beautiful, friendly country. I can’t wait to return.
Opportunities come up all the time. It is how prepared you are to take action that determines whether you can act on opportunities or not.
What are you doing to enable yourself to act on opportunities you want? What sort of lifestyle do you want?
One of the most common things I hear from women, especially mums is that they have no time for themselves or they don’t take care of themselves. I had an atrocious year last year with paralysis and a cancer scare, had I taken better care of myself and prioritised myself, it wouldn’t have gotten to that point.
After experiencing that, and previously domestic violence and homelessness with my two daughters in tow, I decided at the end of last year to focus on creating the life I want and how to help others to do the same. I wrote about how to create the life you want in January because with a lot of effort, I have managed to create a life I love. One of the big changes – I started putting myself first. I can’t help anyone, I am not a good mum and can’t do all the things we want to do if I am not taking care of myself.
How do you take care of yourself?
Redefine what success means to you!
In this post I wrote about how often we view success only in terms of finances or career. Because of this we put so much pressure on ourselves to have everything, be perfect, achieve everything and live a life that we think others expect or is the ideal in society. What is success to you?
Learn to manage your time
We are all given the same amount of time each day. How we manage it determines how much time we can spend doing things we enjoy, travelling with the family, starting a new business or whatever it is we want to do. Last year I went to a conference and listened to Kate of Time Stylers. She gave great tips on how to manage our time better which I wrote about here. You do not need to be the one doing everything everywhere. It is ok to outsource cleaning, ironing, whatever you want. It is your time and up to you how you spend it. Also read how to stop feeling overwhelmed – lessons from when my body gave up.
Balance or blend your life
Work can overtake our lives if we let it. Too many of us are working longer than we should be or are taking work home with us. I wrote about blending aspects of your life including learning to say no and getting rid of toxicity and knowing your values to enable you to have the balance we all desire here. Also, here are 7 habits to create work life balance from Our Urban Box which we do here as well.
Do things for yourself
What relaxes you and helps you recuperate? Being constantly on the go will wear you down and reduces your quality of life. Whether it be a bath, a walk or meditation, make sure you take time to schedule it in. Check out 10 tips to turn from crazy to sane this week from Live it Do it. Both of these posts have great ideas to look after yourself.
Drop the guilt
It’s ok to take time for yourself, do things you want and put yourself first. We don’t enjoy it as much and it isn’t worth it if we are constantly feeling guilty about it. Here is how to have “Me time without the guilt” thanks to The Multitasking Woman.
Get help when you need it
I let myself get totally overwhelmed and pushed through until I broke down and simply could not go on before asking for help. This is the worst thing we can do. People offer to help because they genuinely want to. When I finally reached out the response was amazing. Here are my tips about asking for help thanks to that experience.
Along with asking for practical help, seek out professional help. I have been to counselling at different points in my life and it amazes me how much stigmatism there still is around seeking help like this. Happy Healthy Souls wrote a great post about it here.
Realise your worth
Having your own time, your own interests and taking care of yourself are as much about time management as they are about self worth. Often we devalue ourselves, don’t see ourselves the way others see us or struggle to love ourselves. You are worth it. Take care of yourself!
How do I take care of myself?
Wonder Woman Diary
See the Wonder Woman diary in the photo? They is a diary where I write down compliments I receive. An activity like this helps you to see your talents, things people appreciate about you and can reveal some of your passions without you realising it. It is not about being vain. It is about helping you see your self worth.
Use products I love
I do most of my beauty routine myself including cutting and colouring my hair, manicures, pedicures, facials, even making some beauty products. I love a good body lotion or body oil, body wash or body scrub. I also have a few preferred make-up items like BB cream, mascara and red lipstick.
I know when I dress in the style I love, I feel better about myself, more confident, happier and I am more productive. To me, dressing in a style I love is a way of telling myself and everyone else I am worth it.
Use a vision board
I have found with a vision board I have more of a focus, take better care of myself and know where I am heading. My vision board focuses on my goals and every area of my life. It’s easy to create one for yourself. Seeing everything I am working for helps me schedule my time better and see when I am not taking care of myself and keeping my life in balance.
Simple self care
Some of the simple things I like are:
– Total body care including a full body scrub, body lotion, manicure, pedicure and facial
– Working out
– Going for a walk or run
– Meditation, especially at sunset
– My favourite dessert or treat
Self care doesn’t need to be a full day at a salon or day spa. You do need to make time to do the things that make you feel better, drop the guilt, learn to ask for help and make yourself a priority.
What do you like to do to take care of yourself?