How to make 2019 your best year and create a life you love
The past year was a rollercoaster and I decided to step off for a while. Meaning, I scaled right back, stopped speaking at events, wrote less and totally changed direction. Or at least, I attempted to.
My life felt like a hot mess and I needed time for me and to focus on my family. My daughter was officially diagnosed with autism at the end of 2017. At the start of 2018, my boyfriend of 3 years and I broke up. Custody with my abusive ex-husband was meant to be finished last year (it’s not) then towards the end of the year I had to get another IVO (violence order against my ex-husband to protect my daughters and I).
In April 2018 I turned 33, enrolled myself in a Diploma of Counselling, a course I had always wanted to do and set about trying to work out what I wanted in life. Yes, I have had an amazing life, won awards, been goal oriented and things were great. However, at some point, I realised I was living the life I felt was expected of me, not so much the life I truly wanted.
What happens when you live for everyone else?
The break up was hard on myself and my daughters but it taught me so much. I realised I had lost myself in him, in motherhood and the Mormon idea from my upbringing of being a stay at home mum. I felt I was supposed to be and do everything for them – my boyfriend and kids. Over the few years we were together I went from being a successful award-winning CEO to putting aside everything for him and my kids. It’s not that I didn’t love him or don’t love my kids but putting everyone else first isn’t healthy.
Because of the breakup, I was able to reflect on my life, my behaviour and work out what I really wanted. I read Women Who Love Too Much after it was recommended to me and it changed the way I think about relationships and parenting. My kids are everything to me but when I stopped being myself and doing things for myself I also stopped being the best mum I could be. With my relationship, I stopped being the strong, confident, feminine woman I truly am and instead became someone I look back at now and wonder about. It wasn’t him, it stemmed from my idea of what I should be like and be doing in a relationship rather than doing what I wanted and what worked for us.
Long story short – when you live your life on everyone else’s terms you aren’t living your life.
How do you stop being ‘just a mum’ or ‘just a wife’ and be you again?
First, decide to change. With all those realisations in 2018, I had to make changes. On top of the diploma I went to a dance class, I read every book I was recommended. I spent a lot of time alone journaling, reading, thinking and trying new things. Learning to be happy on my own, happy with my life and learning what I enjoy.
Think back to your childhood – What did you enjoy? What did you want to become? How did you spend your time? Which hobbies and interests brought you joy? Start doing some of them again.
Take action. Write a list of things you want to try or do and go do them. Carve out time for yourself. Make yourself and your happiness a priority.
At first, I felt guilty. As women we are supposed to be able to do everything, be superwomen and sacrifice everything. As a mother, your kids should always come first at the detriment to yourself, right? No.
If your kids are fed, clothed, sheltered, taken care of, healthy and happy, you’re doing well. Many kids are spoilt, entitled and have way more than anyone could possibly want or need. Let go of the societal pressure to be, have and do everything. Decide on the life you want for you and your kids then make it happen.
My Year Of Me – Your Year Of You
I’ve decided 2019 is the year of me. This is the year I actively learn the things I want to learn, read the books I want to read, travel the places I want to travel and live my life to the fullest. It’s about being the healthiest I can be, having the skills I’ve always wanted and showing my daughters that being a mum doesn’t equal being a slave. Being a mum or an adult woman to me means being confident, happy, pursuing my interests and having people in my life I want and love. As a mum, I know when I take care of myself I am more patient, understanding and fun for my kids. We have higher quality time together and life is smoother.
I want to invite you to decide what you want in your life or at least decide to take the time this year to do more for you. Choose a class you’ve always wanted to do. Read books. Go on a holiday. Spend time with you. Learn to say no and realise it’s ok to quit.
What does my year of me include?
What doesn’t it include might be a better question! Having spent months already working out what I want to do and learning about myself, I have a pretty clear direction for 2019. I’ve broken it into categories – books to read, things to learn, places to visit and experiences to have. My usual goal areas of travel, finances, career, health, personal development, relationships etc all still apply. It’s just being done a little differently. And yes, I have already enrolled in a lot of what I will be doing or I have things in place to make it happen.
Books To Read
My aim is at least a book a month but my stretch goal is one a week. I don’t always know all the books I plan to read at the start of the year because obviously, new books come out all the time. Here are the ones I am starting 2019 with:
Recommended by a few people, I am pretty excited to get stuck into it. All about small changes, systems and how we can improve our habits, it is exactly the kind of book I like to read.
A book on how to achieve more while doing less is something I will love. I know when I am focused or in the flow I can achieve so much so I’m curious to see what tips are in here.
So many people love it and I have had it for 6 months yet still haven’t read it! I can’t wait though as it contains so much valuable information to transform your business.
Another highly recommended book with the aim to “release the beliefs that hold you back from living a better life.” I’ve enjoyed other work of Gabrielle Bernstein and am sure I will love this one.
I’ll be reading more books which I will add as I decide on them.
Things To Learn
As a high school drop out (I left school in year 11), learning is a big deal to me. While I don’t believe our education system is for everyone, it does have its place for certain occupations. I feel I have learnt more outside of school than I ever did in it. As such, I strongly encourage my daughters to keep learning things they want to learn and never stop. Here are the things I am learning in my year of me.
Despite doing French, Indonesian and German in school, I remember none of it. Spanish is a language I feel will be beneficial for travel plus it sounds amazing! I downloaded DuoLingo and have already started my lessons. In 20 minutes a day, I am already recognising more than I thought possible in a short amount of time. My pronunciation has improved drastically and I get reminders from the app to do my daily lessons. You can spend less time, I chose to go aggressive with it.
Learning a language has been on my list of things to do every year. Duolingo is a super easy to use app which I feel has helped me more with language than any other method I’ve tried.
Complete My Diploma Of Counselling
On average it takes 18 months, mine will be completed in 12 months from when I enrolled. It has been interesting learning everything and doing a course I have wanted to do since I was 16. Whether I work as a counsellor in my life or not doesn’t matter. Learning this was important to me.
Learn to sail
It’s a dream of mine to sail around the South Pacific and other locations. You can’t follow your dreams unless you take action to make them happen! Living in Melbourne there are a few places I can learn to sail and I start in February.
Learn A Style Of Dance
I’ve chosen which style of dance and where to do it already. It’s one I’ve done before but only completed 3 terms. This year I have a better routine with it, love the studio and will be learning a variety of routines.
Get My Diving Certification
On the best trip of my life, I tried scuba diving and cannot wait to go back to get my full certificate. I wrote about the trip in detail here. The team from Solomon Islands Discovery Cruises were incredible and I felt so comfortable with them.
Places To Visit
Ok, I travel a lot and in 2018 went to the Solomon Islands, Cairns, Fitzroy Island, the Daintree Rainforest, Canberra, explored more of Melbourne and its surrounds including staying in a fairy house in Warburton. Most years I get a few trips in. This year I have some specific ones planned and here are 3 of them.
Despite having just been, I cannot wait to go back. This is where I plan to get my diving certificate. Hopefully, I will be able to do Dive Munda and be able to explore more of the islands plus I’d like to do some specific volunteer work over there. Read my article about why everyone should take this trip here.
I’ve been numerous times but my kids haven’t and I want to take them to the theme parks etc. We are going up in July and I have a speaking event the week we are there. They can’t wait, it was something we hoped to do recently but postponed it.
In 2015 we swam with dolphins, rode horses and went to a cool little school fete down there. Yet there is so much more there I want to see with my kids. It’ll be happening over a weekend within the first half of the year.
Experiences To Have
Aside from the travel, there are other experiences I want and will have this year.
Run A 10km
Register for and do a run properly. I did the Color Run with my sister a few years ago and loved it. This time, I want to run 10km faster and stronger than I have ever been able to run. Training has already started because I can barely run at all right now! Follow me on Strava to see what I am doing if you want.
At the end of 2017, I bought a certificate for this for a friend and have meant to do it for myself since then. Why is it so much easier to do things for others than it is for ourselves? I’ve bought the certificate on Groupon for myself and am doing it once school goes back.
The feeling of free falling is the most awful feeling in the world to me but I have wanted to skydive since I was a kid. This year is the year of me and the year I am going to do it. There are beautiful places all around me to do it such as Torquay or the Yarra Valley. I have no excuses and will be doing it. Adrenaline has great deals for skydiving and similar.
This photoshoot has been booked in and cancelled multiple times since 2013. Why? Because I was never fully happy with my body. With the yoga, dance, run and everything else locked in I have decided come July, I am getting it done. I cannot imagine being in a healthier state and don’t want to keep putting it off.
A Variety Of Sports And Activities
Archery, golf, kiteboarding, stand up paddle boards (I did this a little in the Solomons but want lessons to do it better), skateboarding. All of these are things my daughters and I have talked about doing. Now I have a car, they are all easy to get to and do plus Groupon has amazing deals for them all the time.
Outsource Everything I Can
At different times in my life, I have outsourced things in business and my personal life. I’ve found I struggle to outsource things in the home because of guilt. While the travel and experiences will take priority, I have income goals and as I hit each one I will outsource more at home. Living in a unit cleaning was simple and cheap when I outsourced. Where I live now it is not. Plus we have a massive yard which takes me hours to maintain and I hate it. I want my life and my time back. Thus, outsourcing is key to my year of me.
I know many people feel they can’t outsource anything but once they finally do, it is such a relief to have someone clean. I grew up with the belief it’s a waste of money and mums should stay at home to maintain the home. As a single mum, I’ve learned that is not practical. Women are exhausted, relationships failing and the pressure mounting because we’re expected to do too much. Scale it back. Pick the lifestyle you want then do what you can to make it happen. Take it one step at a time.
Changes To Work And Career
What does this all mean for all the work I do here and at The Thrifty Issue? The Thrifty Issue will continue with more of it being outsourced throughout 2019. For Kylie Travers things, I won’t be offering one on one sessions anymore and more of the content I share will be around motivation, what I am doing, travel and life resources and advice. My motivation is to empower women through financial independence and help you live life for you. I’ll also be doing this through a lot of public speaking, creating a few courses and other resources.
What are your plans?
Not just plans, what action are you actively taking to live life on your terms?